Ayahuasca

Open Up Your Crown

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This post was long overdue and I had intended to start my blog with it, but I felt it unfair to all the experiences I have encountered before this moment.

I don’t know where to start or where to end but I am just going to let my emotions flow and see what happens here…

I went to Peru in the summer of 2015, somewhere in the middle of my travels and in between my usual stops to London, I decided, along with my brothers to stop at Peru and do what we promised each other to try… for ages; Ayahuasca. It took us a while to decide where and how, but alas.. We finally made it. Tarapoto was the destination.

This took place in the Shaman’s {I was referring to here} retreat. It is run by Mamita and her granddaughter Deborah. They, along with their tribe, own a nice patch of jungle space. They call it a sanctuary too, as it is home to many animals on the verge of extinction.

A lot of people say you shouldn’t talk about your experience and to hold it dear. That was the kind of thinking that made me connect to the wrong people. I found myself trying to find others who shared my opinions, like any emotional person would, and that made me find others who weren’t in alignment with my spirit. Not to say they are to blame, or I, it was guidance at its finest, but I FEEL the need to speak. If one person reads this and feels like their existence surmounts to much more and that what they believe in exists, I would have already done my job.

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I remember being outside the ceremony hut, with my heart pounding. I could feel something spectacular was about to happen. My brother was feeling the same too, and my my other one, as he always does, acts like not a single care in the world should be displayed on that day.
We were telling each other how we might quit, and were expressing our hunger, having been on the diet for a week prior to this (Ayahuasca diet to avoid energetic crossing, or over-releasing).
We were fantasising about what we wanted to eat, and I expressed my need for french fries. We laughed and laughed to cover our mutual uncomfortability towards the uncertainty to come.
Fast forward to inside and after being pointed at to go first, I could see the shock in Deborah’s face that it kicked in immediately. I am saying ten minutes, but I could’ve sworn it felt like less. Time seemed obsolete. Mamita was calm, though. She had a funny smirk about her, like she already knew what was to come but wanted me to know myself.
The people with me in the room were disappearing, at a fast rate. I felt alone. I was trying to touch the ground under me and the mattress, but felt nothing. I thought I was dying, my hand was energetically numb. All the while I was trying to ignore the fact that spirits were appearing at such a fast rate, like glass figures but more colourful. I know, this sounds ridiculous of me to do, and she told me, Mother Ayahuasca told me.
I heard the voice of a woman ask me “Why are you doing this to yourself? We are here. Just say the world and we’ll help”. I paused, and honestly, I had no idea what I was doing.. except for the fact that I agreed, internally. I asked for help and said “Please guide me Pachamama. I’m questioning the uncertain and I feel like something bad is going to happen”.
In that moment I felt like I was being taken over from the inside. It felt like bliss, with the added bonus of laughter. I always questioned how channelling felt, I never knew it would be this easy.
I was expecting to sleep and wake up in another realm, and while I was channeled, I felt a sense of disappointment that I was nervous and shy to share. I felt disappointed at being disappointed. I knew I couldn’t hide what I was feeling from Pachamama, so I told her. I expressed internally how I thought I was going to experience so much more, I heard stories before trying this you know, some people saw God.
“And what is this?”.. She said.
In that moment I knew that maybe, just maybe, I had underestimated myself and what I am capable of for my whole-entire-life.
Just as I was being handed the Shaman’s tobacco pipe, my brother started rolling around the entire place. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, and I already knew what was happening, as I caught him as he was about to hurt himself with my peripheral vision. The Shaman and Deborah looked distraught, and I looked to them for answers. I could tell from their expression right away, a negative energy got ahold of my brother. Deborah explained to me quickly how his energy is very open, and he is a channeler who does not know it yet, atop of the many portals of unexpressed rage he was carrying inside.
I knew I had to act, and I was going to anyway, regardless of who interfered. 
He was rolling around smashing his skull against the floor, and was trying to reach for my hair. I must admit what I did next was a spur of the moment action.. I slapped him, hard. I decided to ignore whatever was happening and speak to my brother directly. I said “Are you okay? Can you hear me?”, he immediately responded “Thajba, help me. This is disturbing”. Just as I was about to, I sensed I was going to get channeled again.
I took a back seat and found myself awake, four hours later. My brother resting peacefully by a new member, a male by the name of Adam.
I woke up and asked Mamita for more tobacco and she gladly agreed. We smoked and laughed and laughed and laughed, I have no idea what I said or what was said to me, but I am pretty sure it was something ridiculous. I couldn’t contain my laughter and we all acted like retards, in the sweetest sense. (I use this word with love, everyone. Retard is not what you would say to refer to someone who is mentally ill).
My brother woke up somewhere in between my laughter and Mamita and Deborah clapped for him and cheered him on, we all noted how he was brave, and was oddly and beautifully calm in the face of silliness.
I wondered why this all happened. This started beautifully, and I thought so much more was about to happen.
Now…

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I realise why. It was showing me that what I thought I was going to do, is internally and externally wrong.

It doesn’t mean my past is for naught, and it does not mean my future is set in stone. I guess it just means, maybe, I should question the unthinkable. I have always preached duality, and that seemed like the epitome of duality to me.

What are your thoughts? What do you think all of this could’ve meant?

Blessed Be

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Thajba

12 comments

  1. Shaan · June 1

    Even if you covered yourself in a pile of dung you would still shit on the game. What’s wrong with people?

    Like

  2. Inola · June 1

    Is everyone going to ignore the big elephant in the room that you’re a witch? If people are focusing on your weight more than the fact that its Ramadhan and you’re blogging about witchery………………….. Maybe there’s a problem?

    Liked by 1 person

    • AngelRemedy · June 1

      Be careful, they’re going to think the elephant you’re referring to is them. Maybe, just, maybe…

      Like

  3. KingAnubis47 · June 1

    You stunner, you… sigh.

    Like

  4. Beltha · June 1

    The next time you travel I want to come with 😥

    Like

  5. Beltha · June 1

    Can I save your Blingee?

    Like

  6. Talal AlSaggar · June 1

    :O ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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